In Defense of Elizabeth Edwards
Today's featured Guest Blog comes from Everett Rice, Legislative Director of the California Family Council. CFC is a non-profit organization that supports pro-family issues and is a statewide family policy council associated with Focus on the Family.
When Politics Trump Marriage
Recently, I was reminded that some individuals honestly believe that in politics nothing is sacred, including marital relationships. I am not referring to the current debate regarding the re-definition of marriage; instead, I refer to the issue of individuals who value party politics over the marital bond. Remember the phrase, “To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part”? In politics, some find this phrase meaningless.
Reading an article criticizing Elizabeth Edwards, wife of former Senator John Edwards, for remaining silent about her husband’s affair with Rielle Hunter, I was appalled at the treatment she received because of her desire to keep her marital relationship private. I remembered my own marriage ceremony, specifically when the minister asked me if I took my wife, for better, or for worst…, and I replied, “I do.” That “I do” did not include the phrase “unless it affects a political campaign.”
To truly understand the depths of insensitivity of many politically driven individuals one only needs to examine the last few years of Elizabeth Edwards’ life. Certainly, the indiscretion of her husband was more painful for her as a woman, a wife and a mother than any other person could rightly comprehend. Over the last few years, she (and her husband) had to mourn the death of their 16-year-old son, battle against breast cancer in 2004, and now deal with incurable bone cancer. While maintaining her marriage, in the midst of all these personal and physical challenges, she is also raising two young children.
While there is no excuse for John Edwards’ reprehensible behavior, it is unconscionable to expect a wife to not support her husband. The vitriolic response to Elizabeth Edwards is unjustifiable and misdirected.
The outrage expressed by many who appear to believe that politics, or party, comes before marital commitment illustrates the true problem this nation is facing. We should be applauding and encouraging marital relationships, by reaffirming the importance and significance of the phrase, “the two shall become one.” These are not just mere words, but the basis of a lifetime commitment. Isn’t the marital bond greater than that of a political bond? Would not every husband or wife expect his or her spouse to value one’s marriage over a political party or cause? To expect less devalues marriage.
The comments shared by Elizabeth’s friend in the article illustrate her heart and sentiment best: “She (Elizabeth) was angry and furious and everything, but at one point she had to make a choice: Do I kick him out, or do we have a 30-year marriage that can be rebuilt." She chose commitment to her marriage. In a time when divorce is rampant, she chose the difficult path…reconciliation.
Read Everett Rice's Blog at Riceanthoughts.blogspot.com.
You stated Elizabeth chose to remain in her 30 year marriage. I believe that was back in early 2007 and before John's late night visit to the Beverly Hilton on July 21. I've read Elizabeth asked John to "pack his things and move out" of the house in Chapel Hill. Maybe Elizabeth has had enough of the deception from her husband? If Elizabeth has reached the point of "no return", then good for her and her children. Let John the scumbag pick up the ruined pieces of his own career and see where he will be in a year or two?
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I have not read or heard that Elizabeth asked John to leave. However, if she has, that should be a personal matter between her family. While I support all efforts towards reconciliation, the real matter the article took issue with was politico's apparent belief that politics should come before a person's marriage.
I can completely understand if Elizabeth decided to end her marriage because she became fed up with her husband philandering, which I can respect that. As I stated, my issue is with the expectation of those who are criticizing her for not outing her husband.
Lastly, make no mistake, nothing in my comments should have been construed to be an endorsement or acceptance of John Edwards actions. His actions were truly deplorable. Again, the fact that she remained speaks more of Elizabeth's character and strength than anything else, from my perspective.
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I would like to support Everett Rice's comments entirely, and go further. As President of the Well Spouse Association, http://wellspouse.org and a former spousal caregiver myself I know that chronic illness or disability can bring a tremendous strain on a marriage, including the intimacy relationship. In fact, about 80% of marriages break up when chronic illness or sudden disability enter the picture -- often the well partner just cannot handle the increased emotional stress. Our group, the WSA, is a non-profit 501(c)(3) org. that offers peer support to spousal caregivers for just that reason, to help them regain balance and become a better emotional support as well as in so many other ways for their ill partner. In the case of John and Elizabeth Edwards, nobody but them knows for sure what went on, but from my own experience I can guess that Mr. Edwards was pretty stressed out, from first their son being killed in an accident, and then his wife getting cancer... Those who criticize need to walk in his shoes, and in Elizabeth's, before they say anything else. Need I say more?
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